Pyromania

There is something about boys and fire.  Perhaps it is the danger factor.  Or maybe it is simply an innate fascination.

Over the years I have heard many stories from friends who exhibited the same behaviors in their youth as my son.  "Yeah, when I was his age I blew up....."

According to the experts, some children and adolescents feel pleasure or gratification when setting fires or witnessing the consequences of fire.  In addition, these kids are also fascinated with matches, lighters and curious about their use and consequences.  Scary stuff for a mom.


The fascination was initially observed when we had to light candles (Grant would always volunteer for this),  start the campfire (Grant would always volunteer to be involved with this and continue stoking the fire), and on the Fourth of July with the occasional fireworks and M-80's.


The culmination of this risky behavior presented one day in our neighborhood.  Grant and a friend concocted a mix (with propellants and all)  that started a fire in the middle of the street (around the corner from our house).  A woman in a car actually drove over the fire as she rounded the corner.  The boys took off and the woman in the car found two of our neighbors chatting in the street.  She said, "Did you see any boys running away from here?"  My neighbors simply pointed towards our house and said, "Yes, and he lives right down there."  I love my neighbors.  We are community mothers.  A knock at our door with an irate woman ensued.


Fortunately, we live close to a fire station.  I was livid.  I marched my son up to the fire station and knocked on the door.  When the fireman opened the door I said, "My son just started a fire and I'd like to speak to your Captain."  All of the firefighters were great.  They took my son into the house and after telling my story with much angst, the Captain took Grant and sat him down in the rig out in the garage.  They were in there chatting for quite some time while I nervously waited.


When they were done, the Captain said he and Grant had a good talk and that he was referring him to mandatory classes at the Burn Institute of San Diego.  He would have to attend the classes on fire safety.  If he was ever caught setting a fire again, he said "It would be juvie." 


Fortunately, there never was another incident though my son still has the fascination and at any given opportunity will gladly partake in starting the fire in the fireplace, lighting the candles, or igniting fireworks.

Photo above of Grant and dad camping with a big fire, of course

Cousins

Gathering of the cousins is always entertaining. What started out with the original eight (around the same ages), is now twenty in total due to the populating younger families.  That is a lot of cousins!

Chaos and fun are two words I would use to describe our family get-togethers over holidays.  Each year became more chaotic with the new additions.  Grant loved being around so many of his boy cousins where they would run, play ball, fight and terrorize the girls and neighborhoods.  His sister certainly learned to "hold her own" with so many boys being boys.  The playing field eventually evened out as more females were born.


Some of the best and quite often funny memories I have of these gatherings include; tears over who found the infamous Golden Egg on Easter, fires started by unattended children (candles are dangerous),  the announcement of another pregnancy by my niece, spilled drinks and major grass stains on holiday dresses/clothing and, of course, kid's faces opening the Garrity envelopes on Christmas.

Photo above of cousins Jeremy, Matthew, Josh, Jeffrey, Samantha, Grant, Jacob and Kaylene at one of the many cousin gatherings.

The Great Outdoors

What better way to breathe fresh air, get dirty and play with worms?  Fishing.  Getting back to nature in the great outdoors was an integral part of Grant's youth.  He loved the sport of fishing whether it be from the dock,  on a boat at the lake, or along a river.

Often these fishing adventures were part of a camping trip.  Good friends of ours and their boys (also shown in photo above) enjoyed camping and we made many memorable trips together.  Samantha was right in there with "the boys" getting dirty and hooking the bait.  The biggest thrill for all of them (parents included) was when someone caught a fish.  There would be a lot of commotion, often some yelling,  occasional tears (when the big one got away) but always fun memories were made.

The majority of people who fish do so for the sheer enjoyment of the experience.  Though I went along for the ride (and fresh air), I wouldn't necessarily say it was "sheer enjoyment."  Worms on hooks--yuck!  Watching fish die--yuck!  Gutting fish--super yuck!  Yet, I am so glad to have had these experiences in the great outdoors with my son.

Photo above of Matthew, Grant, Samantha and Zack with the big one that didn't get away.

Mr. No Fear

Organized sports has been one of the most positive and influential factors in my son's life.  It has channeled an abundance of energy.  It has taught humility.  It has contributed to the personal growth of a little boy to a young man.

Grant was nicknamed Mr. No Fear because he would always throw himself into the sport of the day/season without fear.  There have been team sports including baseball, soccer, basketball and rugby.  Other sports have included karate, skateboarding, BMX biking, body surfing, snowboarding, wakeboarding, golf and anything else that involved speed and/or contact of some sort.  The rougher, the better. 

My son has been a catcher since Little League began.  As a mom, this is one of the scary positions to watch from the bleachers.  Players are running at full speed towards home plate to score with your baby in a defensive/protective stance in front of the plate.  Many gray hairs have sprouted because of this.  It was always particularly unnerving to watch your son get plowed over by another (larger) player who looked like a freight train on the loose!  Despite the dangers and some injuries along the way, he has always had a love of the game and has been blessed with several extraordinary coaches along the way.  

This position requires a comprehensive understanding of the games' strategies.  It is one of the most physically and mentally challenging positions.  Catching was the perfect match for a boy who likes action--Mr. No Fear.  It is the position he still plays to this day on his high school varsity team.


Photo above of Grant the catcher during one of his many Little League games.

Discipline and the Sensei

 

Teaching good old fashioned values like respect and self-discipline have become increasingly more difficult with our Generation Me.   Our children are watching TV shows that would make our parents' skin crawl.  When I walk into the room with the TV on and hear a rapid succession of "bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep" I always say, "Turn that crap off!"  God, do I sound like my dad.

Martial arts should be mandatory for all little boys.  It builds confidence, self-esteem, self-discipline, respect and concentration.  Not to mention the physical benefits.  Karate is the art of fighting without actually fighting--or starting a fight. Fortunately, a Taekwondo karate studio was right down the street and Sensei Carlos entered Grant's life.

Sensei Carlos demanded respect both in and outside his dojo.  I remember him pulling me aside after class one day.  In his broken English he said, "Betty, you tell me about Grant's grades and his school, okay?  I want to know what is going on all the time okay?  Even at home and how he treats his sister."

I was thrilled--I had an ally.

It only took once.  I told Sensei about an incident between Grant and his sister.  An argument gone bad.  Needless to say, Sensei Carlos let Grant have it with a long lecture followed by some physical "chores." After that reprimand all I had to say was, "I don't think Sensei Carlos would want to hear about this...." and the unruly behavior would stop immediately.

I do think karate contributed to improved self-discipline, concentration and the respect they promote.  I saw a difference with my own eyes.  It was also amazing to watch my little boy break a block of wood in half with his bare hands.  That was concentration.  I truly hope Grant will always remember his Sensei with great fondness, respect and gratitude. 

The photo above is of Sensei Carlos presenting Grant his green belt.