Epilogue: Raising a Son

To my dear Grant aka Granto,

When you were a little rambunctious, rough-and-tumble boy, I would always laugh and tell people my hope was to get you to eighteen years old and off to college alive.  Well, my wish was granted....here we are.

This blog is dedicated to you, sweetheart.  It's been wonderful to look back and reminisce on your early years. 

The other day I was reflecting on your almost eighteen years of life.  Some of the most memorable moments were when you were little and we'd get ready for bed and play the "five reasons I love you game," watching all of your games from the sidelines with the other team parents, getting phone calls from school, "Hello Mrs. Garrity, Grant is fine but I'd like to speak to you.....," watching you play with your big sister and mimic her every move, how you called her Muh-muh for so long, the "apparatus" Dr. Okmin had to put in your mouth, when you and D-boy got together to play; there are just so many fond memories.


It has been a two-way street with both of us living and learning together.  I have learned so much from you, and hopefully, you have learned from me.  I learned the value of  patience.  The importance of independence with boundaries.  How to be more forgiving.  Though difficult, allowing failure and consequences.  The importance of keeping it short (hard for me to do) and speaking bluntly.  What it truly means to love, unconditionally. 

Your choice for college is perfect.  I know you will thrive in this environment and find your passion and path.  All I ask is that you remain inquisitive and study hard. School always comes first and much fun to follow.  It is important to take good care of your health (stop rolling your eyes).  I know you will continue with athletics-it is a natural outlet for you. Try to eat well and get enough rest.  Remember dad and I are only a phone call, text or short flight/drive away.

Love you always and forever,

Mom




Photo above of mom and Grant before senior prom.









 

A Letter from Dad

Dear Grant,

The moment has arrived after your long journey through adolescence.  You will leave home to attend college. I am very proud of your accomplishments up to this point in time. Although you may feel that your life up to now has been somewhat complex, college life can be intense, challenging but overall a fun experience. Enjoy every day as these are the times to expand your horizons and search for those opportunities that will fulfill your passions and desires to reach your educational goals.

The times we have spent together as a family and those special singular moments hanging out will always be etched upon my mind. Our vacations to Hawaii, Lake Tahoe, Estero Beach, Yosemite, Las Vegas, Big Bear and our cruise to Mexico have all been epic memories for me. Engaging in water and snow skiing, wake boarding, fishing, scuba diving, camping and golfing (especially when you witnessed my hole-in-one)….these were the BEST of times, especially doing it as a family.

 I cherish those times I coached the sports that you had excelled in and my favorite times were watching you play baseball up through your senior year at High Tech High. I hope you keep the passion and desire to play into your college years, even if it is club or intramural play. You have that athletic gift to pick up sports very quickly. That being said, let’s get you out on the fairways more often and play more golf together.

Grant, you are a beautiful and handsome young man. You are very inquisitive, creative, bright, passionate and goal-oriented. Having chosen a tough major is quite impressive and I hope you fulfill your dreams in this field. What teenager works three jobs during the summer months after high school? Now that’s tenacity and understanding the work ethic.

As a parent, you become more emotional, but elated when your child graduates from high school and elevating to the next level of education. I am saddened knowing that the home departure has arrived, but all for good reasons. Your mother and I have tried to guide and develop you in all the right ways when it comes to family values to build character. I hope we have been successful in shaping and influencing you to be a better individual. We feel you have shown and demonstrated these values when we receive positive compliments from friends and neighbors.

I feel you will do very well in life and your college years are a stepping stone to what is ahead of you and what can be accomplished. I realize that you will be taking on more responsibilities and making more choices and decisions so I recommend to follow your intuition and your heart to guide you. Your mother and I will always be there for you when needed.

Study hard and set good examples, be happy at what you do, but most importantly have fun and make good friends as they will be your support system while in school. As I would always say when I  dropped you and your sister off at school…. "Be a leader, not a follower”. Now, “Go clean your room!"

I wish you the best of luck and I will always love you!

Dad

Photo above of dad and baby Grant in Lake Tahoe

Good Luck Brother

 Dear Grant,

            You finally made it through high school, now get ready to live a life without chores, nagging, or work, so be excited. I remember all those times I dressed you up in dresses, broke your thumb, and played Hot Wheels with you around our whole house.  I also remember how we sometimes misbehaved on purpose with our babysitters. Even though we still argue a lot I think we’ll be closer now that we are both in college. I’ll have to visit you and you’ll have to visit me (because I know we have different spring breaks).  I hope your roommate isn’t weird but I know for a fact you will have so much fun and your life will change when you move away. I’m sure you’ll do well your first year because I know you’re smart and will make good decisions. You better Skype me.

Love you,

-Samantha aka Muh-Muh

Photo above of sister and brother

Exit Interview to Life

All seniors at High Tech must speak of their school experience, both good and bad, in the exit interview.  Acknowledging your faults and weaknesses is not easy for an adult; never mind a teenager.  As I sat in the classroom and watched my son complete his high school exit interview, I saw a mature and articulate young man before me.

The senior exit interview gives students a chance to acknowledge their struggles during high school and express their growth as a person and student.  It also allows verbalization of their goals at this next junction in life.  A panel is present of teachers, peers and parents.  Required dress code-professional.  Quite intimidating.

According to Grant, the purpose of school is "To teach you life lessons and educational lessons as well as lead you to further education.  Also, to help you find what you want to do with your life."  He reflected on his beloved second grade teacher, his strict, no-nonsense fifth grade teacher and his high school teachers.  I loved the reference to his current math teacher's life lessons taught via  50 Life Secrets. "I am now more open-minded and understanding" explained Grant.

I have renewed faith in the young adults of High Tech and the graduating class of 2011.  Their lofty goals and dreams are admirable and much needed in the world today.

Motherhood

In honor of my mother and now that I "get it"-- the following is the absolute truth.......

You're Really a Mom When……

    •    You count the number of sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they are equal.

    •    You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your child's favorite toy and made him cry.

    •    You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

    •    You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

    •    Your child throws up and you catch it.

    •    Someone else's kid throws up at a party and you keep eating.

    •    You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance.

    •    You mastered the art of placing food on a plate without anything touching.

    •    Your child insists that you read "Once Upon a Potty" out loud in the lobby of the doctor's office and you do it.

    •    You fast-forward through the scene when the hunter shoots Bambi's mother.

    •    You obsess when your child clings to you upon parting during his first month at school, then you obsess when he skips in without looking back.

    •    You can't bear to give away baby clothes--it's so final.

    •    You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "Not in your good clothes."

    •    You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.

    •    You read that the average-five-year old asks 437 questions a day and feel proud that your kid is "above average."

Photo above at Early Exploration's preschool graduation




 

One World Week: Italy

One of the coolest opportunities at High Tech is their One World Week.  Each year over spring break, students and teachers depart to destinations worldwide for a cultural immersion.  This immersion opens the kids' eyes to the world at large.  Students have been to Belize, India, Panama, Egypt, Costa Rica, Thailand and many other far away places.  It is a once in a lifetime experience and Grant waited until his senior year for his trip to Italy.  Ahhh Italy.....my favorite country in the world where the people are warm and beautiful, the culture is bountiful and the scenery is exquisite.  The food is pretty incredible, too.  I give great kudos to Grant's teachers/chaperones, Margaret and Dominic, who took twenty-five children to Italy and returned them all safely.

A note from Margaret (12th grade Digital Arts and Sound Production teacher):

Grant,

In Italy you were a leader and voice of reason. You had your eyes wide and looked deeply at your surroundings and the cultural sites of Italy. There were many fun moments and it was great to have you on the trip! I wish you the very best on your future endeavors! Congratulations!!!

Sincerely,

Margaret

Photo above taken by Grant of his favorite city, Venice 
 

The Value of Work

The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand.
-Vince Lombardi

I recall my first job at age sixteen.  It was Gazebo's Yogurt Shop and I remember feeling so mature and responsible.  It was fun when friends came into the shop to visit and get some frozen yogurt.  The spending money was also a nice perk. 

Grant followed in my footsteps and although it was at one of the fast food establishments I most despise (from a dietitian's perspective), nonetheless, he has been working at this job since the age of sixteen.  I am very proud of his demonstrated responsibility to his employer given school and sport commitments.  Fortunately, they have always been flexible with his schedule.

As a parent, I have always viewed youth employment as a tool to teach financial competency as well as social education.   Working in a customer service driven job at minimum wage certainly is a stepping stone to learn the value of money, hard work and people skills.  A good article in the NY Times addressed similar issues.

It was great to hear friends and acquaintances around town say, "Betty, I saw Grant at the drive-through and he was so polite and seems so mature."  Yes!  The value of work.

Letting Go: Part II

I am an emotional wreck.  I just returned from taking my baby to his college orientation day.  The day was bittersweet.  How could it be that my baby is getting ready to go off to college and start his independent life?  I was just changing his diapers and wiping his snotty nose yesterday!  It was a long six hour drive each way with a lot of time to talk about life, expectations, plans and also much silence on my part as I reflected on this next transition.  I won't mention the arguing on each others driving skills.


The process of even getting a child to college is so very daunting these days.   The pressure for good grades in high school, SAT/ACT testing and test prep, investigating all types of colleges, the college application process itself, completing the dreaded FAFSA, applying for other financial aid and scholarships--the list goes on and on.  It is quite overwhelming as any parent of a collegiate can attest.


As I sat teary-eyed in the auditorium yesterday amongst all of the other incoming freshman and parents--one thing I knew for sure;  my son was ready and he chose a college that is truly the best fit for him and his promising future.  I am so proud.

Senior photo above

For Love of the Game

 In order to excel, you must be completely dedicated to your chosen sport. You must also be prepared to work hard and be willing to accept constructive criticism. Without one-hundred percent dedication, you won't be able to do this.  -Willie Mays


Baseball was the backdrop for a boy turning into a man.  I observed a transformation from boy to man starting with T-Ball at the age of five through Varsity baseball at age seventeen.  


Many benefits were reaped from this organized sport.  It taught teamwork, good sportsmanship, humility, respect, time management and the importance of physical fitness.  I thank the many coaches for these valuable life lessons.


One of my proudest mom moments was last year.  Grant decided to train hard to get stronger--ultimately to hit harder.  He woke up at 5:00 a.m. two to three times a week before school and went to the gym with a buddy.


Last year was his best year in baseball, ever.  With three home runs (and his first home runs ever) he had the best season stats on the team.  A memorable season.


An untimely broken wrist in his senior year (ugh, again????) before the season began has left us to look back at a great year and be thankful for those memories.


Photo above of Grant's junior year with the High Tech Storm

Vacations

There have been many memorable family vacations over the past seventeen years.  Adventurous spirits like adventurous vacations.  Looking back, some of Grant's favorites were Lake Tahoe (summer and winter), the Bahamas, Hawaii, a Mexican Riviera cruise, Estero Beach Mexico and Cozumel.  All of these destinations offered unique experiences and memories that should last a lifetime.  My personal hope is that these travels have sparked an interest in the world at large.

Our most recent trip to Cozumel was memorable due to a diving expedition.  This island is known for its diving and beautiful reefs.  I must say I was a very nervous mother.  The preparation for an ocean dive consisted of a brief pool instruction followed by the ocean dive.  How can someone learn all of the nuances of diving in a crash course (in a pool, nonetheless)?  I had to take many deep breaths and visit the Margaritas.

Travel has always brought me personal joy and my hope is for my son to seek future travels with an eye on adventure. 

Photo above of Grant and dad in the beautiful waters of Cozumel.

Space Part II: San Diego 6 Coverage of Quest for Stars at High Tech High

The Quest for Stars sponsored engineering project was a success thanks to Grant and Max's work on waterproofing the payload. As I watch the level of engagement in learning with these high school boys I just shake my head. We are so fortunate to have these opportunities at High Tech. According to Grant and his mentor, projects in space will become mainstream for all Americans as was the internet.

You Tube video of recent news coverage at High Tech with Grant, Max and their mentor, Bobby Russel of Quest for Stars.

A Fascination of Space

I vividly remember the inception of my son's fascination with space. Astronaut Dan Tani made a visit to Grant's third grade class.  Astronaut Tani showed up to the school auditorium and a very excited bunch of kids.  You could feel the excitement in the room.  Little did they know this day would be so inspiring and forever change their understanding of spaceflight.

Astronaut Tani flew on the Endeavor and was one of the lucky members to complete spacewalks and repair of the International Space Station.  He showed the children live video he filmed from the flight.  Everyone's mouth (including myself, the teachers and principle) was to the floor.  We viewed the astronauts performing important functions and also having fun just goofing around at zero gravity.  What an experience!

The fascination with flight and space continued for my son.  A few summer rocketry classes and we know this interest would continue.

All of these experiences have culminated in Grant's senior engineering project.  His mentor, Mr. Bobby Russel, of Quest for Stars will take these high school seniors to the next level of space exploration and aerospace engineering principles.



Photo above: "(L to R) Bobby Russell (Quest for Stars) Grant Garrity and Max Wasserman from High Tech High. They have taken on the challenge of improving our payload design. They will be focusing on making the avionics packages waterproof. Credit: Quest for Stars"

Danielle

This past year with Grant has been filled with many great memories. From dinners at his house and mine, go-karting, Chinese food, McDonald’s cookies, ice skating with friends, and giving my dog Max a bath, one of Grant’s favorite things to do. All of these times have left lasting memories and one that sticks out the most is when Grant made dinner for not only me, but my family too. On a Sunday night when my mom was sick Grant found the perfect time to get her out of the kitchen and finally make dinner for all of us. He had always said he was a great cook and it was time to see if he lived up to all his talk. He came over with his groceries and his homemade salad dressing. On the menu was salad and chicken cacciatore. After cooking the chicken, making the sauce, and cutting the vegetables for the salad, he plated everyones dish like we were in a restaurant. We all sat down to eat and everything Grant had bragged about was true, his food was delicious. Then to top it off he made us bananas foster for dessert.  It was the perfect ending to the meal. My mom, her fiancé, and even my brother, who never eats anything, loved the meal and told him he was welcome to cook for them anytime. It was such a great dinner and it is something I always remember because it was so sweet of him to bring all the food and cook dinner for everyone. It’s those kinds of memories that stick with me and remind me how thoughtful and kind Grant is.

Love,
Danielle

On Love

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched....but are felt in the heart.

-Helen Keller

We can all reminisce about our high school romances--some tumultuous, some love/hate and some that simply should not have been.  And there were those perfect matches we all envied, too.  But through it all we learned great lessons of love.


Fortunately, for my son, a serious girlfriend did not come too early in life and in high school an adorable, sweet girl entered his world (and our family).  I felt so protective of her.  Was my son taught enough about being respectful, being a gentleman?  I worried as all mothers do.


I remember a conversation I had with one of our favorite elementary school teachers (Miss C), after school one day long ago.  She was a tall, elegant, beautiful lady who had gotten engaged.  The kids were awed by the ring on her finger.  When I prodded if he was "worthy" she laughed and said her fiance's mother definitely did well and taught him right.  He was a complete gentleman, took good care of her, adored and protected her, was chivalrous and all of those other "must-haves" girls dream of.  That conversation always stayed in the back of my mind when raising my son.

I hope Grant remembers our many discussions (ad-nauseum) and he will always be a gentleman.  I can already see him rolling his eyes when he reads this.  If he is able to tune-in, listen and follow his heart, I have faith for a very happy future filled with love.

Hell's Kitchen

Ampersand: The Student Journal of School and Work was published in 2010.  The students in Grant's Humanities course wrote personal stories about what they felt important in the 21st century--their worlds, experiences, ideas, all combined into one.  It was a fascinating read.

Grant grew up watching his favorite shows on the Food Network.  He watched cooking shows like I watched cartoons as a kid.  As he matured and was safe(r) in the kitchen, he tried new recipes, informed his parents we were "doing it wrong" and eventually developed quite a passion for the culinary arts.  Of course two of his favorite shows had the most beautiful chefs--Rachel Ray and Giada De Laurentiis.  Fortunately, we only had one trip to the ER when experimenting with a VERY sharp knife as a child (he actually locked himself in the bathroom because he was so scared of all the bleeding but his sister tattled on him, thank goodness).  Twenty-something stitches later, Grant learned to appreciate the danger of sharp knives and how to use them properly.

The last sentence of Grant's Ampersand article sums it up beautifully. "Cooking is something that I do for enjoyment.  If I turned my hobbies into careers, then I will have lost my best source of stress relief."

I have a feeling Grant will continue to please many people's palates with his culinary expertise.  My hope is for this hobby to remain a source of pleasure and enjoyment.


Photo above of Chef Grant working his magic in the kitchen.

The Craziest Sport Ever

I always knew my son was a tough cookie.  I did not, however, realize there was a sport that would cut me to the core with fear and anxiety.  The sport is rugby.

When I was informed my son wanted to play rugby, initially I thought it was cool and a new experience for an athletic kid.  That was, until I watched my first game.  It was a mother's worst nightmare and I panicked.  I honestly thought my son would be broken in half (or at least a broken something).

Grant's best friend's mom and my dear friend is a Kiwi.  Rugby is as popular in New Zealand as the NFL is in the U.S.  In fact, rugby is a worldwide culture of its own.   I was assured there were fewer injuries playing rugby compared to football.  How could that be?  There is no protective gear and kids are tackled and thrown to the ground!  Rugby became a part of our life when the San Diego Young Aztecs club team called.  And Grant LOVED it.


The biggest thrill was coming in third place at the Southern California championships.   The competition was fierce and it appeared the winning team had pulled the roughest street kids from L.A. and turned them into fantastic rugby players.  There was only one child removed by ambulance at the tournament.  Ugh!


YouTube video above of rugby well played by the U16 Young Aztec team.

Hoping for the Best

When my son reads this blog in June I hope he comes away with the message--I tried my best.  I really did.  It was very easy to judge other parents BK (before kids) and I often would say, "When I have kids I will NEVER do that!!!" Or even better, "My parents did x,y, or z and I swear I'll never do that!"  I have since learned never say never.

People say parenting is the toughest job you'll ever do.  They are correct.  It is the toughest but, undoubtedly, also the most rewarding.  I just hope I didn't screw it up too bad in raising a son.

Sharing stories with other parents always made me feel better.  I am not alone in the craziness.  If I lost it and spanked my toddler, others will empathize (assuming they are not in the anti-spanking group).  If my child had a major meltdown in the grocery store and EVERYONE turned to stare, others will empathize.  If my child hit, kicked and bit me at the park when I said it was time to leave, others will empathize.  The best consolation came when the "Super Nanny" television show aired.  After watching that show, I knew I wasn't doing so bad.

My ultimate wish is that I did good enough to create a loving and responsible son who will be a happy and productive member of society.

An Alternative Education

What does a parent do when their child needs an alternative to traditional schooling?  This is a daunting question and one I grappled with for quite some time.  There are just some kids who do not fit the mold for a traditional school setting.  These kids like to "think outside the box."

Fortunately, with some luck and good timing the alternative simply appeared.  Thanks to the educational visionaries who were disenchanted with the direction and outcome of traditional schools-- the High Tech charter schools were formed.  The school(s) were designed with four principles:  a) personalization b) adult world connection c) common intellectual mission and d) teacher as designer.

Grant thrived in this setting.  It was project-based learning (no textbooks but learn by doing), the classrooms had 25 students max,   all kids had access to laptops and the newest technology, the teachers were young/fun and on one year contracts (if they were inefficient they were gone).  Watching a bunch of middle and high school kids get excited about their learning was mind-blowing.

From middle school through high school I cannot recount all of the opportunities and benefits reaped via the High Tech schools--there were too many.  One of my favorite experiences was the mandatory 11th grade academic internship.  All of the kids had to secure an adult workplace environment and spend three weeks working full-time, side by side with their mentors.  What an incredible way to gain real world experience.  This was the apex for Grant's real world connection.  


My sincerest and deepest gratitude is extended to the founders and visionaries of the High Tech schools.  Grant loves to learn and will have a bright future.

Photo above of Grant's beloved middle school humanities teacher Mrs. Morton (far left), myself and Grant on one of their many fun field trips.

San Diego Junior Lifeguards

My dilemma of adolescence.  How does a parent of an active child channel that energy and time of summer vacation in a positive way?  The answer came from a tip about the San Diego Junior Lifeguard Program.

Since my kids have always spent a lot of time at the beach, this program was not only character building but potentially life-saving.  Kids would learn to respect the ocean and build skills for survival.  And it all started with an ex-Marine named Captain Vila.  He was as tough as they came but so very valuable in his teachings.  Over the course of two summers, the dedicated lifeguards of San Diego put my son to work.

The Junior Guards not only had to run and swim miles but also had to dive off speeding lifeguard boats, jump directly into rip currents and get themselves out and learn CPR.  The program culminated in a jump off the Ocean Beach Pier.  I received a photo of this event but was thankful not to be there.  How could a mother watch her son stand on the highest point of the pier and jump??!!  Apparently, ALL of the kids' knees were knocking--but they did it.


Thank you and kudos to the San Diego Lifeguards.


Photo above of one of the boat dives